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Sometimes life is so unfair but if you don't stop and take a look at it then it might pass you by. Maybe i dont want
to take a look at it. Sometimes i just want it to go by so fast that i can blink and it's gone. Maybe i'm just
wanting something i know i can never have. Just that life in my eyes seems so dramatic and worn out. The same
things happen; people breaking up, people gettin back together, drugs, sex. Doesn't it get old after a while?
You bet! Life needs to speed up so we can get to the age we want to be at. For me i want to be 21 forever!
Parties, drinking, friends, legal fun! Even though this dream will never come true it still doesnt hurt to want it.
I know everyone longs for these hopeless dreams but others dont. People my age only worry about today and what's happening
down the hallway at school. We focus too much on the opposite sex, what people think about us, peer presure, making
fun of people less fortunate than you, grades, sports, family, friends, and the everyday stresses of life. I just want
to stop, freeze time, and take a bubble bath with some soothing music in the background, then i wouldnt have to worry.
I would be in my own little heaven on earth. Everything would be peaceful and calm. Why is it that I can take
a bath and then once i get out then everything is back to stress and frustration? Is it like a drug? You escape
reality only to be brought down hard after a high? What is reality anyway? This world is nothing like reality.
Movies should be reality. The kind that have people falling in love and finding their soul mates. I know reality
isnt even close to that but I know everyone would want it to be. When i watch a movie i find myself captivated in the
love I see on the screen and once again escape the reality that surrounds me. Why do i feel the need to keep escaping
i know all so well? Maybe it's to free myself from burden, awakening my emotion, or even wanting or dreaming for something
more. Dreaming!! My ambitions lead me to where i want to go but i do not follow them. They feel at times
so far away that not even the tallest or strongest person can reach them. Why do we make ambitions for ourselves?
So we can say, " WOW my life was great!" Or maybe we look back in regret of the things you could have done. Dreams
are just something to stress about but if they're good dreams then why not stress over something you want? There's no
turning back, no second chance, no redo, just you, your life, your time, money, and the risks you're willing to take for something
you love. Would you fight for this thing? Would you die for this thing? If it's not worth it then why bother
persuing it? Some things in life are not woth persuing but the ones that are usually always end in beauty. Do
not give up on things that you love because they bite back, just show them who is boss and run at it and full speed!!
This will be just another stress. Maybe stressing is a good thing because it gives you something to do in your spare
time. If we didnt stress then nothing would get done, nothing would move, and nothing would be accomplished. We
would move and make progress like snails in la-la-land. Nothing would seem important anymore. I know people might
think i'm crazy or stupid or have problems for writting this but i know everyone else thinks this at some point but they dont
feel the need to share it. They just sit in a dark room, blaring loud music, and staring at the ceiling ponderinng their
purpose in life. I on the other hand chose to express my feelings through words, noy narrow eyes and a disgusted saden
face. Yet i come home this day with tears in my blue eyes and held back sniffles so know one would know the frustration
i have buidling up inside me. Deep down i wanted a close friend to come to me with comfoting arms and hold me close
so i could cry but it didnt happen i just held it in so my weakness wouldnt show. Every now and again I'd have to fight
back strong tears even though i wanted to let them out. I want my soul to be let out. Out of this responsibility
of life. I do not want to die. I just want to be a kid again. Even as i write this no matter how fast, anger
builds inside me and yearns for the childhood for thoughtless actions that had no consequences. Even though my soul
wants to be younger i know that i must grow up but it's hard. This world has trapped me in a frame that i cant break
from. Such names fit me even though they aren't true. Such harsh names though and so, this is my life, my reality,
my world cast into paragraphs of nonsense that only i can understand and that i put here so that people might understand me
alittle more. How can i escape? WWJD?
LIFE SUCKS!! Isnt that a great way to start this thought? how come when i dont have a bf or i really want one then
i always see people making out with their bf's or gf's in the hallway.Ever the ugly people have a relationship of some kind.
Why doesnt God send me a great guy? I think he wants me to wait for the perfect one and if that perfect one is my husband
than i'm prolly gonna wait for a long time! I need a bf right now. Ok i dont need one nesscarily but it is nice
to have one. All this stress in my life is building up inside me and i dont kno how to release it. I cant talk
to my parents because they have stress which is adding to mine and i cant talk to my friends because they wouldnt really understand
everything and plus i dont want them to understand everything about me. I want mytery to my life. No one has to
know the delicate details of what makes me up and what my emotions are. Just stop bugging me because i'm not giving
in. There are only a couple people i can talk to about this; God and two close male friends. They understand because
they're feeling the same way and i think you kno who you are too. But seriously...why does life have to be sooo complicated
and dramatic. Why do good people have to miss out on things just because they arent pretty, tall, short, skinny, smart,
or because they are PRUDE!! What may i ask is so wrong with being prude? I wanna hear some sexual active people
tell the midevil people that it's ok to have sex before marriage. You kno what it's not ok to have sex before marriage.
You could get pregnant, or die from STD's and i frankly am too young to die. i havent even done half of the things i
wanna do with my life so if you wanna waste away ur life then it's fine by me but dont even dare try to change my mind when
you are at home taking care of a baby and tryin to tell me that you dont regret it and that i should live alittle. WELL
EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING FUN OTHER WAYS!! It's not a sin to be a virgin or be pure it's a sin not to be. GO READ THE
BIBLE AND THEN TRY TO TELL ME BEING A VIRGIN IS WRONG!! I DARE ANYONE!! Life is too hard to even think about gettin
my emotions all tied up in a guy only wantin one thing anyway. If all they are after is sex from me then they might
as well go get a prostitute because it's gonna be damn hard to break my morals because they are stronger than steel and apparently
almost every guys head too because they are soo stubborn. Girls are not sex toys to be thrown around at ur will they
are emotional, caring people who demand respect and those who dont are sluts. I said it they're sluts. They dont
respect their precious bodies enough to realize it's wrong. so you kno what i have come to realize i dont need a guy!!!
So now i'm the BITCH huh? How come people i thought i could trust have decieved me and have turned me around and
stabbed me in the back? What have i done so wrong that people make up things before they even know me? New girls on the
squad make up things like shes a ditz, bitch, gay blah blah blah and now i'm captain and just wait for them to see how bitchy
i can be. Why do people make up things they kno not a thing bout? I thought i could trust girls but in all honesty
i cant trust them even though i am one because i kno i am the victim of gossip but its hard not too gossip i kno this but
i would rather go up to someone's face who i dont like and talk to them like a human instead of talkin behind hidden voices
that belong in rivers drowning there for all eternity. If u have beef with someone; fry it up and eat (get over it).
I thought i could trust so many people but i guess i was wrong. i hate it when people lie to my face when i kno they're lieing. is
it bad that i can pick the bitch out of the crowd and always be right? if people can do that then we better check ourselves
and see if they're pointing us out as the BITCH!
Picture this: You are a go-ahead young marketing executive. An unmarried person. It is Saturday morning,
and you are off to do your week's shopping. About to get into your car, you decide to go back and check that you locked
the door. By going back, you leave a minute later and miss the parking space you would have found at the supermarket
and are forced to park in a nearby street instead. There are parking meters in this street, but drivers are only allowed
to leave their cars here ofr thirty minutes at a time. While you are feeding the meter, someone calls your name.
It is a friend you havent see for a while. The friend introduces you to a neighbor of his, who he has given a lift into
town. Call the neighbor Helen. You and Helen are mutually attracted, but as she's married you part company.
Or you dont. Two possible scarios present themselves.
SCENARIO 1: Having left the friend and Helen you go to the supermarket, fill your cart, and join a queue at the checkout-a-longer
queue than the one you would have joined if youd parked in the lot instead of the street. By the time you get back to
the car you find a 62 year old recovering alcoholic (a traffic warden) writing a ticket. You have a go at him, ruining
his day. When he gets home after work the traffic warden takes it out on his wife. His wife has been feeling very
put-upon of late, and her husband's cruel words are the final straw. She packs a bag and goes to stay with her
sister 200 miles away. In the weeks that follow, the lonely traffic warden starts drinking again. He takes booze
to work and loses his job. One night at home, very drunk, he decides to make himself dinner. The frying pan catches
fire, te fire spreads, the house is gutted. So id the ex-traffic warden. His widow collects on the insurance and
passes the rest of her life in comfort, praising his memory.
AND ALL BECAUSE YOU WENT BACK TO CHECK THE DOOR.
SCENARIO 2: Instead of saying good-bye to Helen in the street where you park your car, you go and have coffee with her.
You still get a parking ticket, but you dont mind because you really got on with her. Over the next few weeks you and
Helen meet reguarly. You start an affair. Helen's husband finds out and comes after you. He attacks you.
Defending yourself, you lash out. He falls and crack his head open. You are arrested, tried, and sentenced to
four years in prison. By the time you get out, you've lost all ambition and confidence and have no job. You very
nearly fall apart, but instead go to the island of Santorini in the Aegean, where you spend every day walking the beach looking
for coins dropped by tourists. One day you meet an attractive student on vacation. She thinks you have a cute
accent and runs her fingers through your nice thick beard and offers to share her sleeping bag with you. It's not until
she returns to Boston that she realizes she's pregnant. She writes to inform you of this, but by the time the letter
arrives you've moved to another island, so you never learn of the pregnancy. In due course, she gives birth to a boy
and doesnt name him after you. Time passes. The boy becomes a man. He meets a girl. They choose not
to marry, but they bring three children into the world, the eldest of whom becomes an accoutant, the second a roofing contractor,
and the third an Elvis Presley impersonator. The youngest is also a serial killer who over a 2 year period butches 12
teenage girls who, between them, in time, would have given birth to 29 children, who between them would have coparented 68
children, who would have brought 176 children into the world. This 176 would have fathered or mothered 442 children
altogether, two of whom (female twins) would have been the first living beings to be emailed to Alpha Centauri, opening the
door to human settlement in other parts of the galaxy.
AND ALL BECAUSE YOU WENT BACK TO CHECK THE DOOR
weird huh?
~A Crack in a Line By: Michael Lawrence
The one love in ur life is so far away but you can almost touch it. sometimes you can physically touch it though
and it feels so soft and warm and protective. in that one second that you see it all your thoughts and worries and fears
escape ur head and you're left empty to the world. an empty revealing your inner most thoughts and dreams and a facsination
to explor the world for a whole new meaning. the touch of this love is hard and firm but gentle and delicate at the
same time. it wants to help and comfort you because it knows how you feel. it feels the same way. empty
without you and longing to be with you. at least thats how it felt to me or how it does feel to me. this love
that i experience doesnt go away and i dont want it to. first loves dont go away and they really shouldnt because its
something you experience once in that kind of way. it wraps you up inside and squeezes you tight. you hit this
soft pillow and bury ur face so you can dream forever and block out the sun from your eyes. the sun is so bright but
you're afraid to wake up because the dream is so much better than the reality without this love that you have. the dream
is real, so real that you can taste the kiss and feel the skin and know the look of the eyes that look so deep into your soul
that they capture it with a hook and reel it out through your mouth. you tell this love everything you want, no secrets
attached, no tear left unshed, and no wound left unrevealed. you and this love know everything about life together but
are too young to experience it. this love has you trapped in a world of desire and passion and intimate feelings that
you thought only happened in movies. the kind of movies with the happy ending that leave not one eye dry in the theater.
you wake up every morning for this love only to find it through a phone and pictures that are so realistic that you think
you can kiss the paper and feel the touch of silk. embrace, passion, intimacy, warmth, kindness, love, love, love.
its what everyone wants and everyone needs. some people get it without a problem, others have to crash into it, some
just look a certain way and find it looking back. a plane ride home leaves you speechless, something you have never
come to find out about yourself. speechless around this kind of love, no appetite, just wanting and longing for the
hug that fills you so much and the kiss that completes you. the void is filled with this longing and wanting.
such a long distance but so much love that the whole world should have enough. this love and i will soon be together
and not a moment apart.
Take me to this place
A place of holes and space
Take me to the beginning
Where i can look into your face
This void inside me
Replaced by only i can see
The mystery before us
Down by the sea
Wrap me up tight
Why the fight?
I know the love is there
It's all that's right
My life is so great
But the loneliness is my fate
To be with you is simply magic
I dont know how much more i can take
This love is everlasting
There's no more I'm asking
But for you to love me
This love is lasting
I've given my heart to you
Not knowing what to do
You placed it on a pillow
So gentle and true
More sure than anything
Loving you is the chance I'm taking
Glance of the future in sight
What will our love be making?
Maybe our dream will come to be
All the things they wanted to see
A fairy tale at last
Everything so heavenly
This void inside me. so deep and so desirable. i feel incomplete without this full feeling. the only thing that
can fill it is one thing that only one person can give me. it's so far away so i cant have it whenever i want. for far
away that the car cant even take me there if i wanted it to. not across an ocean but it feels like the other side of
the world. this void hurts. without him here is terrible. all the couples in the halls holding hands, kissing,
and being in sweet love. not the kinda love i have however. the kind i have is strong, intense, desirable, everlasting,
and meaningful. no one knows how it feels to be in love like this. they dont believe me and dont think it will
last. "it's too far" they say "you're too young" they tell me. we wont listen at least i wont. my ears dont
here those comments that yell from all sides. every once in a while theres that one voice of encouragement that drills
a whole through my ear that gives me hope. not often to i get this love that i speak of. every so often it comes
along but when it does its so wonderful that i need it every second that i'm with it. i wanna show it off, talk about it,
be with it. HIM he's the only one i want. correction he's the only one i need. even if he's far away no other
guy compares with him. his sweetness, kindness, romantic side. everything about him shouts LOVE!
u might think u love me more but i dunno u could be wrong...i mean can i help it that everything i do, every person
i meet, everything i see, and everything i hear reminds me of u in some way? i love being reminded of u or a time and place
with u...i compare people to u, talk about u, dream about u, close my eyes just so i can look at u, cry for no reason at the
thought of not being with you whenever i want, call ur cell phone just so i can hear ur voice. i kno i'm crazy but i'm in
love with u and love can make u do crazy things. thats why i send u cards and stupid meaningless chinese symbols that i draw
in my spare time. i always want to be reminded of u and if thats not love then that is definitely some form of obession because
i am compltely and utterly obsessed with u and the kind of person u are and the kind of person i am when i'm with u
For The New Year 1981 by: Denise Levertov
I have a small grain of hope
one small crystal that gleams
clear colors out of transperancy
I need more
I break off a fragment
to send to you
Please take
this grain of a grain of hope
so that mind wont shrink
Please share your fragment
so that yours will grow
Only so, by division,
will hope increase,
like a clump of irises, which will cease to flower
Unless you distribute
the clustered roots, unlikely source
clumsy and earth-covered
of grace,
Through the Blue by: the author
Past the two eyes
i saw shame.
Past the heart
i saw pain.
Wounds rubbed raw
scars revealed to show
everything i saw
my heart's telling me so.
Powerful love so
pure and carefree.
Time is of the essence
it has taken a hold of me.
Let me fall,
let me go,
let me move,
let me go.
Back to old way,
of freedom and life.
Choices made,
wrong and right.
I take from you now,
your heart and eyes
and give you tears,
now you can cry.
Remove me from thought,
remove me from mind.
I only exist,
leave me behind.
Right here, right now
I saw my farewell
to the one i loved
you treated me well.
Leave you with shame,
tears and sorrow.
Nothing to fix,
I'm gone tomorrow
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